My Marriage Roka Ceremoney

My fiancé is being fed with sweets as per traditions!

In those days in early 1970s, arranged marriages were the norm in India, and so it was with mine. My mother had her eye on a tall and beautiful girl from her own family, someone she had met at a family wedding in Chandigarh. She told me frankly, “She’s very beautiful, and from a good family.” Many proposals were coming my way, from near and distant relatives alike, but my mother’s choice carried weight.

Surrounded by close family.

At that time, an educated boy from a respected landowning family was always in demand, and my mother had strong preferences. My father’s family, on the other hand, had no particular suggestions. The custom dictated that the girl would live with my parents and sisters after marriage, I felt it was best that my mother, being the head of the household and must be the one fully satisfied with the alliance. With that in mind, I agreed.

Since I had agreed to my mother’s wish, she immediately announced that she would give away a diamond ring to her future daughter-in-law. Till then, nobody in our entire family had ever offered a diamond ring to a bride. It was her way of showing pride, affection, and a little bit of flair for doing things differently.

My beautiful mom Savitri Devi, 45 with 5 kids.

One Sunday evening, we hired a taxi from Jangpura and drove to Tilak Nagar, to the home of Harvinder’s grandmother, my mother’s eldest sister, whom we all called Baiji. I was accompanied by my another Masi Hari Bai Ji, Papa ji Bibi ji and my sister Ambu. We more or less barged into their house with the joyous announcement: “The proposal has been approved!”

My oldest sister Bhagwant initiates feeding sweets to Harvinder.

The reaction was hilarious and heartwarming. Baiji was stunned into pleasant shock, and in her excitement she immediately called over her Second son S Atam Narain Singh ji, who lived nearby. A box of sweets was fetched from the neighborhood sweet shop, and with a token amount of money, the Roka ceremony was performed right then and there. An Ardaas was offered to Waheguru ji, and the engagement date to be declared soon after the logistics were finalized.

Later at my Shagun in Panipat with my mom Savitri Devi and grandma Karam Devi along with a distant cousin Manjit Singh.

What made it all the more memorable was that neither the girl Harvinder herself nor her parents were present. They were more than 460 Km away at Ajmer, unreachable at that time due to poor communication and the absence of reliable phone lines. On their behalf, the grandmother completed the rituals with ‘Ardaas, and the engagement was set.

Putting the diamond ring on Harvinder’s finger in traditional Indian way, sitting side-by-side instead of bending on one knee and asking the question ‘Will you marry me?’ Harvinder face with nod says it all - We are made for each other!

The formal ring ceremony was arranged, when my father-in-law S Mohan Narain Singh Kapoor and the rest of his family traveled to Delhi. That day, the engagement was fully celebrated, and the journey toward our marriage truly began.